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A lighter side of the credit crunch...

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A lighter side of the credit crunch...

Post  Rich on 15/10/2008, 8:15 am

Thought you might like these, emailed to me at work today...

An elderly lady receives an e-mail from the son of a deceased (but wealthy) African general, asking whether he could transfer millions of pounds into her bank account in return for a 20% cut. All the son needs is the sort code and account number. Not realising she is the victim of a Nigerian 419 fraud, she e-mails back the details. A couple of minutes later she receives an e-mail back from the general's son: 'Icesave?!' What is this, some sort of scam?

How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.

What do you call 12 investment bankers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.

Resolving to surprise her husband, an investment banker's wife pops by his office. She finds him in an unorthodox position, with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitation, he starts dictating, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair!"

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, and then turned in the cans for recycling, you would have $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. This is called the 401-Keg Plan.

What's the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons? The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMWs

What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Three investment bankers are sitting outside a coffee shop, sipping glumly on their cappucinos. The first one says "It's terrible, I have lost five million on my accounts this morning, there is no way to recover my losses. When I get back inside I'm going to go past my office, up to the fifth floor, open a window and jump out." The second one says "You think that's bad, I've lost nine million on my accounts in the last hour, I have nothing left. I'm going to ride the lift all the way up to the ninth, open a window and jump out." The third one says "I'm glad our building only has fourteen floors."

The last time Iceland had a crash like this aisle three was closed all day.

Why are all MBAs going back to school? To ask for their money back.

I had a cheque returned earlier. "Insufficient Funds" Mine or the banks?

What have Icelandic banks and an Icelandic streaker got in common? They both have frozen assets

Money talks. Trouble is, mine only knows one word - goodbye.

What is a banker's favourite chocolate bar? A credit crunchie!

Why didn't the little boy get any pocket money this week? Cos his Mum's gone to Iceland!

What's the capital of Iceland? About £3.50!

Latest news, the Isle of Dogs Building Society has collapsed. They've called in the retrievers.

Quote of the day (from a trader): "This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."

Talked to my bank manager the other day and he said he was going to concentrate on the big issues from now on. He sold me one outside Boots yesterday!

Masked man holding a bank cashier up with a gun. Says: 'I don't want any money - I just want you to start lending to each other...

Cool Rich


Red Face ... Sent from my abacus using wooden beads

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Re: A lighter side of the credit crunch...

Post  daved on 15/10/2008, 8:31 am

Bearing in mind where I work and the fact that we haven't taken any of the Government's money I resent and am offended by the previous post.

Jiggly laugh Jiggly laugh Jiggly laugh

They were funny 'though!
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Re: A lighter side of the credit crunch...

Post  Dark Knight on 15/10/2008, 6:39 pm

Very good rich, certainly brightened my morning
Laughing Laugh my a**e off!
Paul


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